WASHINGTON D.C. – In spite of broad Congressional support for cryogenically preserving older Americans until the economy improves in the "Freeze the Elderly Until We Can Afford Them" Act, the Free Enterprise Nation today launched a national campaign opposing it. "We think we should freeze freakin' Congress, that's what we should do!" stated FEN spokesperson Hiram Hirrirriririrs.

The bill has overwhelming support in Congress, since Congress now only consists of one political party, and it is run with ruthless precision by presidential Chief of Staff, Manly T. Obfuscator. "We have a crisis. We are doing the prudent thing by eliminating one of the highest costs to the American taxpayer...the old farts."

Obfuscator noted, "Instead of passing more and more debt to future generations, we'll just pass them their grandparents. Let them figure out what do do with them!"

Hirrirririris said that The Free Enterprise Nation is seeking support for legislation that would require the entire United States government to take a 2 year sabbatical. "If they will just go home and leave us alone for about 24 months, we can fix things up by ourselves. They need to take a time-out. It works for our kids. It will work for them."

BRUSSELS – The Free Enterprise Nation today announced plans to support California Governor Arnold Schwarzennegger’s request for a bailout from the European Union, similar to the one they recently provided to Greece. FEN spokesperson MaryBeth Dufus-Greely-Ackamore said, "It is about time that California stopped asking American taxpayers for more and more money. We hope the EU has better luck with them than we did".

European Union leadership was in intensive negotiations Schwarzenegger late Sunday, as he appealed to them for a bailout similar to the one provided for the struggling country of Greece. "California is bigger, has far better wine, and makes great movies", said the Governor, "We'll throw it all into the deal, plus Disneyland. We just want some cash!"

EU spokesman Andre Void was noncommittal, "We got Greece for chump change. California looks enticing, but we're talking really big dollars here. We can't overlook that Illinois has made quite a pitch, and New Jersey will be here next week. They have put some great offers on the table for us to consider: toll roads, state capitols, even entire school systems."

When Schwarzenegger was asked about his chances of getting a deal done he responded, "Well, I’m not sure if this trip will do the trick, but if not – I'll be back."